When I started this blog, I had hoped to find a place I could fit in. That was the original intent. It has been almost 2 years.
It has been a horrendous week. It looks as if the next 2 weeks and even the near future are going to be horrendous. When things started to turn south at the beginning of the week, someone was like well I'm sure someone in your parish can be supportive. I don't have a parish. I don't have a home.
During the homily this morning, it became clear to me that I wasn't going to fit in anywhere and there was likely nowhere I could call home.
Perhaps this stems from being angry. I am angry at myself. I am angry at the Church. I am angry with myself for disregarding 2000+ years of Tradition and teaching, thinking that I knew better.
I suppose it is time to come clean. I left the Church for 10+ years. Essentially, I lost my Faith. I had hoped that if tried to act Catholic and do Catholic stuff It would come back. It has not come back and is in fact even more shaky. I'm relatively knowledgable about the Faith, but I don't have It. It's hard to explain exactly. I believe but I don't believe. All I know is in this moment in time, I have never felt more unloved by God.
I did go to Mass this morning and I'll have that post up later on tonight.